Stop Expecting “Princess Treatment” From Your Female Friends: I’m Your Friend, Not Your Man
Bestie, We Need to Have This Conversation
No cap, this might be the blog post that makes some of you uncomfortable and honestly? Good. Because the friendships that need this conversation the most are exactly the ones where nobody's saying anything out loud.
Here's the vibe we're living in right now: self-worth is being celebrated, "I deserve the best" is practically a personality trait, and "princess treatment" is trending harder than a Sabrina Carpenter album. And look we love that for us. Women absolutely deserve to feel valued, seen, and cherished. That's not up for debate.
But bestie... some of y'all have taken "I deserve princess treatment" and decided that your friends your platonic, no-commitment, no-relationship-title friends are the ones responsible for delivering it. And when those friends can't or won't keep up with the royal standards? Suddenly they're "not a real friend," they're "giving low-effort energy," or they "would do it if they actually cared."
Sis. We are not doing this.
This isn't about dragging girls who love hard and show up big for their besties. Tight friendships with genuine love, effort, and care? That's iconic and we protect it. This is specifically about the pattern where one friend quietly becomes another friend's unpaid therapist, personal chauffeur, event planner, sugar mama, and emotional support animal all wrapped up in a "bestie" label.
Because that's not friendship. That's a whole unpaid internship with zero benefits.
Let's get into it.
What Even IS "Princess Treatment" in a Friendship Context?
How It Crossed Over From Romance to Friendship
Okay so originally, "princess treatment" was a romance thing. It described how a partner should go above and beyond thoughtful gestures, consistent effort, makingvery morning became the standard. The friend who couldn't maintain that pace became the problem. you feel like the main character of their love story. And in an actual romantic relationship with mutual commitment? Honestly, cute. We love that.
But then somewhere between TikTok audios and Pinterest friendship aesthetic boards, the concept quietly migrated. Suddenly the bar for friendship started looking a whole lot like the bar for a boyfriend. The friend who planned every outing, always picked everyone up, paid when someone was short, remembered every single emotional detail from every single vent session, and texted first e
And nobody stopped to ask wait, is this actually fair?
The Moment "I Deserve Good Things" Became "You Owe Me"
There's a difference between healthy self-worth and low-key entitlement, and in female friendships specifically, this line gets blurry fast.
Wanting to feel loved and appreciated by your girls? Absolutely valid. Non-negotiable, even.
Expecting your friends to perform that appreciation on your schedule, at your preferred price point, at whatever emotional capacity you need, consistently and without fail? That's where it starts feeling less like friendship and more like an unpaid subscription service that only one person signed up for.
When "I deserve the best" quietly turns into "my friend should plan everything, cover my costs, drive me everywhere, and always be available for my emotional spirals" babe, that's not a friendship standard. That's a job description.
The Specific Expectations That Are Giving… A Lot
Let's name the actual behaviors, because we're not being vague today.
The Birthday That Lasts an Entire Month
Birthdays are genuinely one of the best things in life and celebrating your people is a vibe. But at some point, "birthday season" went from a fun inside joke to a genuine expectation that a friend should plan, fund, coordinate, hype up, document, and execute an entire multi-week celebration down to the theme, the venue, the matching fits, and the Instagram carousel.
And if her friend doesn't plan a surprise? She's not "a real one." If the dinner spot wasn't fancy enough? She "didn't try." If she couldn't make it because she literally had work or a family thing or I don't know a life that exists outside of birthday season? She's on silent treatment lockdown.
Bestie. Your friend loves you. She also has rent due, a situationship she's recovering from, possibly three other friends with October birthdays, and a bank account that is not giving princess budget. She is not your personal party planner. She does not have a "best friend coordinator" role on her LinkedIn.
The Unpaid Uber Driver BFF
You already know this person and I say this with love you might be this person.
It's the friend who never seems to have a way to get anywhere. Whose car is always "in the shop" (eternally, apparently). Who never once mentions gas money, never offers to drive, and if her go-to friend happens to say "hey I actually can't drive today" suddenly it's a whole moment. Faces are made. Vibes shift. The group chat gets weird.
Your friend's car is not a complimentary shuttle service. Her gas money is real money that she paid real dollars for. Her time spent picking everyone up and dropping everyone off is time she could be spending doing literally anything else. If you've been riding for free for six months without a single "let me Venmo you for gas, bestie" that's not a friendship dynamic. That's just free transportation with emotional guilt on the side.
Ordering the Lobster When She's Paying
Okay this one? This one lives rent-free in my head.
Treating a friend is a genuinely beautiful love language. When someone covers your coffee or surprises you with dinner that's warmth and kindness and we appreciate it deeply.
But there is a very specific type of friend who consistently "forgot her card," orders the most expensive option on the menu without blinking, eats happily, and then says "I'll get you next time" a next time that has never once materialized in recorded history.
And the second her friend says "hey, I actually can't cover this tonight" the energy completely changes. It's quiet. It's awkward. Suddenly she's "being weird about money."
No babe. She just realized she's been funding a friendship that only goes one direction. That's not her being weird. That's her waking up.
Those Viral Phrases That Sound Cute But Are Being Used Messy
"If She Wanted To, She Would"
This phrase started as something genuinely useful a reminder that people who truly care will make effort. And that's real. Consistent effort matters in friendships.
But the way some people are using this phrase right now? It's giving zero grace, zero context, and zero understanding of what it means to be a human person with a full life.
Your friend didn't reply for four hours because she was in back-to-back classes, not because she doesn't love you. She couldn't make it to brunch because she's quietly going through something she's not ready to talk about yet. She didn't call first because she was exhausted from a week that would make anyone want to disappear.
Using "if she wanted to, she would" to guilt someone for not being available around the clock is manipulation in a cute little self-empowerment costume. And we're not going to pretend otherwise.
"Know Your Worth" Being Stretched Way Too Far
"Know your worth" is genuinely powerful advice in the right context. When you're in a situation where someone is actively disrespecting you, undervaluing you, or treating you like an option? Yes. Know your worth. Walk away. We support you.
But when "know your worth" is being used to justify getting upset at a friend who couldn't afford the $80 dinner, or who needed a solo night instead of attending your fourth event this week, or who simply has limits like every human being on earth?
That's not a worth issue, bestie. That's just Tuesday.
Knowing your worth means recognizing genuine mistreatment. It doesn't mean demanding unlimited energy from someone who also has a worth of her own.
"I Deserve Princess Treatment" From Your Friend Though?
Here's the question nobody's actually asking out loud: who agreed to give it to you?
A romantic partner actively chooses you. They sign up for the role of prioritizing you in a specific, committed way. Your friends chose to care about you which is also beautiful and meaningful but caring about someone is not the same as agreeing to become their full-time personal assistant, event planner, emotional support system, and financial safety net.
You deserve to feel special. Genuinely. But bestie, that responsibility does not automatically transfer to whoever is standing closest to you.
Bestie Is Not Bae: Let's Get That Straight
This needs to be said clearly and without apology: female friendship is not a romantic relationship with a different label.
There is no exclusivity contract. There is no obligation to be emotionally available at every hour of every day. There is no requirement to plan every outing, track every mood change, anticipate every need, and show up perfectly every single time. Those are relationship expectations and even in healthy romantic relationships, both partners still have individual needs, boundaries, and lives that exist outside of each other.
When you start expecting your friend to function like a devoted partner without the actual partnership, the romance, the commitment, or even the label you're setting her up to fail a standard she never agreed to meet.
She is your friend. That is not a consolation prize. That is a whole beautiful thing on its own. Stop making her feel like it's not enough because she won't also be your boyfriend.
The Emotional Support Imbalance That's Draining Everyone
Let's talk about emotional labor, because this is the one that really gets under my skin.
Emotional labor is the invisible, exhausting work of listening, remembering, validating, comforting, checking in, holding space, and showing up emotionally for another person. It is real work. It takes real energy. And in a lot of female friendships, this labor falls almost entirely on one person and that person is usually quietly running on empty.
Think about what it actually costs to be someone's emotional anchor. You're remembering every detail of her ongoing drama. You're talking her down from anxiety spirals at midnight. You're giving advice on the same situation for the fifteenth time. You're absorbing her bad days so she can feel better and then processing your own feelings alone because she's already moved on.
Now imagine doing all of that without it ever being reciprocated. Without her asking how you're doing. Without her noticing that you seem off. Without her showing up when your life gets hard.
That's not a friendship. That's one person functioning as another person's emotional dumpster and eventually, the dumpster gets full.
When "Bad Friend" Becomes a Manipulation Tactic
Okay this one is important and I need y'all to really sit with it.
Calling someone a "bad friend" for setting a completely reasonable boundary has become one of the most common and honestly one of the most manipulative moves in the modern friendship playbook.
Your friend says she can't talk tonight because she needs rest. "Wow, a bad friend would do that."
Your friend says she can't afford to go to the expensive birthday dinner. "I guess I know where I stand."
Your friend takes a few hours to respond to a message. "A real friend would always be there."
This is emotional manipulation, full stop. It weaponizes her care for you and turns her basic human needs rest, financial limits, personal time into evidence that she doesn't love you enough. It puts her in a position where she either abandons her own needs to keep you happy, or she holds her boundary and gets punished with guilt and cold shoulders.
That is not how friendship works. That is how you slowly make someone resent you.
One-Sided Friendships and Why They're Not It
One-sided friendships are exhausting in a way that's hard to fully explain until you've lived it. It's like being in a constant state of giving while running on empty, and somehow still feeling like you're not doing enough.
The signs are usually pretty clear in hindsight:
She calls when she needs something. Goes quiet when she doesn't.
You always initiate. She rarely does.
Her problems are urgent. Yours are inconvenient timing.
She expects you to remember everything about her life but barely knows the basics of yours.
When you set a limit, it becomes about how she feels hurt never about why you needed it.
If you're reading this and feeling a little called out that's actually a good thing. Recognizing a pattern is the first step to either fixing it or finally accepting that the friendship has been running on one engine for way too long.
Scenarios That Are Going to Make You Say "Wait, That's Me"
Let's run through a few very real, very specific situations because sometimes you need to see it spelled out to recognize it.
Scenario One: It's her birthday month. You spent two weeks planning her party, bought her a thoughtful gift, took her to dinner, and covered her portion because she was "a little short." Two months later, your birthday comes around. She posts a story saying "happy birthday bestie " and that's… it. When you mention feeling a little hurt, she says you're "making it weird."
Scenario Two: Every single time you make plans, she needs a ride. You've never once received gas money. You finally say you can't drive this weekend. She tells the group chat you've been "off lately" and acting distant.
Scenario Three: She vents to you about her boyfriend daily for three months straight. You go through a really hard week and try to open up. Within two minutes, she's redirected the conversation back to her situation. You go home feeling more alone than when you arrived.
Scenario Four: She wants to go to a restaurant that's genuinely out of your budget right now. You say so. She says "it's fine, we can go somewhere else" but her tone says it is very much not fine, and she brings it up passive-aggressively for the next two weeks.
Do any of these feel familiar? Because they should they're happening in friendships everywhere, every day.
Affectionate Friendships vs. Transactional Friendships…Big Difference
Real quick, because I want to be clear: this blog is not saying that generous, affectionate, ride-or-die friendships are bad. They're not. They're genuinely one of the greatest things life has to offer.
The difference between a beautiful, close friendship and a transactional one isn't the amount of love it's the direction of it.
Affectionate friendship: Both people show up. Both people give. Both people have hard days and good days and the dynamic adjusts naturally without either person keeping score.
Transactional friendship: One person consistently gives, plans, drives, pays, listens, and shows up. The other person consistently receives and frames any reduction in that giving as a personal betrayal.
One of these is a friendship. The other is a service arrangement that one person never agreed to sign up for.
What Actual Healthy Friendship Looks Like
Healthy female friendship is one of the most powerful bonds in existence and it deserves to be protected, which is exactly why we're having this conversation.
Here's what it actually looks like:
Reciprocity over time. Not perfectly equal every single day life doesn't work like that but balanced in the long run.
Respecting each other's limits without making it a whole thing or punishing each other for being human.
Celebrating each other's wins without jealousy sneaking in.
Checking in on each other not just when one person needs something.
Financial awareness. Not everyone has the same budget and that's okay. Real friends adjust.
Emotional give and take. You get to have hard days too. Your feelings matter too.
That's it. That's the whole thing. It's not complicated but it does require both people to actually show up.
Gen Z Girls Deserve Better Friendship Standards, Not Higher Ones
Here's my actual hot take: Gen Z women don't need higher friendship standards. We need better ones.
Higher standards often just means more pressure, more expectations, and more reasons to call someone a bad friend for being a normal human person with limits.
Better standards means friendships built on mutual care, honest communication, genuine reciprocity, and the understanding that your friends are whole people not supporting characters in your main character era.
We grew up being told that real friends do everything for each other. That "ride or die" means no limits. That if she's not going above and beyond constantly, she doesn't really care. And a lot of us internalized that so deeply that we either became the over-giver who's exhausted and resentful, or the over-taker who doesn't even realize what she's doing.
Both deserve better. Both need this conversation.
Boundaries Are Not a Breakup, Babe
Setting a boundary with your friend is not a declaration of war. It is not proof that you love her less. It is not you "changing" or "becoming distant" or "thinking you're too good for her now."
It is you saying: I care about this friendship enough to be honest about what I can and cannot give.
That is actually one of the most loving things you can do. Because the alternative silently over-giving until you burn out and quietly start resenting someone you used to adore is so much worse for the friendship in the long run.
You can say "I can't drive tonight" and still love her.
You can say "I need a few hours to myself" and still be her person.
You can say "I can't cover dinner this time" and still be a genuinely good friend.
Boundaries aren't walls. They're the thing that keeps the friendship sustainable so it can actually last.
How to Actually Have That Awkward Conversation
Okay so you've recognized a pattern maybe in your friend, maybe in yourself and now you're wondering how to address it without it turning into a whole dramatic moment. Here's how to approach it like a grown, emotionally intelligent bestie:
Start with love, not accusations. "Hey, I really value our friendship, which is why I want to be honest with you about something."
Be specific without being a list of grievances. Pick one pattern that's been affecting you most. Not everything all at once.
Use "I feel" language. "I've been feeling a little drained lately and I want to make sure I'm showing up well for you which means I need to be honest about my limits."
Give her a chance to respond without immediately defending yourself. She might not have realized it. Genuinely.
If she makes it entirely about her feelings? That's data. Real data about the friendship.
You don't have to have a perfect script. You just have to be willing to say something instead of slowly disappearing from a friendship that stopped feeling good.
You Can Love Her and Still Have Limits
Listen female friendship is genuinely one of the most beautiful, life-changing relationships a woman can have. The right girl group will hype you up, hold you down, and make you feel like you can do absolutely anything. That kind of love is real and it matters deeply.
But real love in any relationship is never one-directional. It never asks one person to pour endlessly while the other simply receives. It never uses guilt, passive aggression, or the "bad friend" label to keep someone from having basic human limits.
You are allowed to be a loving, caring, genuinely incredible friend and have boundaries. Those two things are not opposites they're actually what makes a friendship last.
So if you've been the over-giver: it is okay to stop. It is okay to redirect. You are not less of a friend for having a life of your own.
And if you've been the one with the princess expectations: this is your gentle, slightly-spicy nudge to reflect. Your friends love you. They show up for you. But they are not your boyfriend, your therapist, your chauffeur, or your event coordinator.
They are your friends. And that? Done right, with mutual love and actual reciprocity?
That's more than enough. That's everything.
