Supporting Women Is Easy Until They Have What You Want

It sounds empowering when we talk about supporting women. It’s a topic that looks and sounds good online. And it feels like, as a woman, we should all be doing this. However, there is a noticeable issue with this empowering movement. It seems easy for some women to support other women when they are on the same level. And it becomes harder when they start comparing themselves. It becomes harder when another woman has the life, growth, confidence, or opportunities we secretly want for ourselves. Female friendship can be beautiful, healing, and life-changing. But at the same time, they can also bring out our insecurities. It can sometimes expose jealousy and emotional gaps that we have not addressed yet. And that’s what we’ll discuss in this article.

The Unspoken Reality in Female Friendships

Female friendships are often built on shared experiences, trust, and emotional closeness. Still, there is something that we don’t usually talk about. Sometimes support becomes conditional. It exists until one woman starts doing better, growing faster, or living a life that looks different from the rest.

You may notice in small ways that a friend becomes quieter about your achievements. The compliments you heard feel forced, and the support feels distant. These things happen, but it is not always intentional. Many women struggle to stay genuinely happy for others when they feel uncertain about their own lives. 

Talking about this does not mean attacking women. It means that we acknowledge that there is an issue and patterns. And we can change them because growth starts with being honest with yourself.

Why Jealousy Between Women Is More Common Than We Admit

Jealousy between women is often misunderstood. It is not always about wanting someone else to fail. Most of the time, it comes from comparison. And honestly, it’s not just women, because all people have a natural tendency to compare themselves to others. When you start comparing yourself and evaluating your similarities and differences with others, you are only focusing on what you don’t have. That's why you forget to appreciate what you have. We compare timelines, relationships, careers, confidence levels, and even healing journeys. 

Social media makes this comparison between women even worse. We often see other women’s reels and compare them with our reals. We see highlights without context and forget that these are just an acknowledgement of their accomplishments. It’s not the whole story. We didn’t see their struggles or hardships just to achieve their goal. We assume ease when there may be struggle. As a result, envy quietly grows. When this feeling is left unchecked, it turns into resentment, gossip, or emotional distance.

Jealousy itself is not the problem. It is like a warning sign. It shows us what we want and what we fear. It also shows us where we feel like we are not doing well compared to others. The issue is when our jealousy turns into a behavior that harms friendships. 

Supporting Women When You Are Still Struggling

One of the clearest signs of emotional maturity is being able to show up for someone else while you are still figuring things out yourself. I know that this is not easy to do because it requires self-awareness. And you also need to be honest with yourself. You should accept that someone else accomplished something in their life and that you are still trying to achieve your own goal. But this doesn’t make you any less. You just need to believe that your time will come.

Supporting a friend does not mean pretending everything is perfect in your own life. It means choosing kindness over comparison. It means you are celebrating someone else without making their success feel like a failure. Women who can do this are rare, but they exist. They understand that another woman’s win does not take anything away from them. They trust that their time, growth, and opportunities will come too.

When Women Supporting Women Becomes Performative

We hear the phrase women supporting women everywhere. However, not all support is genuine. Sometimes, support can be performative. It is when someone looks supportive on the surface, but they lack real intention behind their support. Performative support shows up as public praise paired with private negativity. 

It shows up as cheering someone on while secretly hoping they fail. For instance, congratulating someone about their promotion, but kind of hoping that their promotion will be a disaster. It can also show up as copying, monitoring, or competing quietly instead of communicating openly. When you're truly supporting women, it means you’re allowing others to shine without trying to dim their light. You are not spreading doubt, questioning motives, or throwing subtle shade. Support should feel safe and not strategic.

How to Choose Healthy Friendships Without Guilt

Choosing healthier friendships is not about cutting people off aggressively. It is about paying attention to how you feel after interactions. Healthy friendships create peace, not confusion.

Here are a few signs of healthy friendships to look for:

1. Friends who celebrate your wins without resentment.

2. Friends who do not compete with you in silence.

3. Friends who grow alongside you instead of monitoring you.

It is okay to outgrow certain connections. Growth changes people. And choosing peace is not selfish. It is necessary.

How We Can Do Better as Women

Doing better starts with accountability. Instead of pretending jealousy does not exist, we can learn to process it. Instead of projecting insecurity, we can address it privately. Instead of tearing others down, we can ask ourselves why their success feels threatening.

Real supporting women require emotional honesty. It requires us to admit when we are struggling and still choose kindness. It also requires us to stop normalizing subtle harm as just how friendships are. At Kranay, we believe in honest conversations like this. Something that makes us pause and reflect. Keep in mind that when women feel safe with each other, everyone benefits. Community becomes stronger. Confidence grows. Comparison loses its power. Real support is a choice.